Stress Relief through Proper Management
Identifying the stressors and how to remove them
Article three of four in stress management series
by Art Martin Ph.D
As we have already discussed how some of the causes of burnout lies with our situation in prior articles. The other part comes from within ourselves when we lost control over our life as a child.
We have to set up a new path for our ideals, our ambitions, attitudes, intentions and our goals. How we were treated by our mother can and will control the rest of our lives. The main challenge is to recognize what unconditional love is. We knew what it was when we were born, yet we did not know our mother did not know what it was. So we pushed her to give us unconditional love which she could not give us because you can give what you do not have. We felt she was withholding love and recognition from us. So we pushed harder, but she could not understand our language so we had a language barrier. This is what the terrible two’s are about. An angry child is demanding love, which mother can not provide and a mother who is irritated because she can not control her child. So the battle for control begins and who do you think wins? The control, authority, disciplines and compliance parenting program does not work, yet does mother know any other way to handle her angry child? So she began to break down the program and the concept of the eight qualities of unconditional love right after you were born. She may have known how to give affection but not unconditional love and recognition. By the time we were four we had lost the concept and we were locked into a dysfunctional parenting program without unconditional love the same as her mother had done… As a result the cause of Stress actually began before were four years old. The seeds were planted in our mind which would turn into time bombs later life in our life. Our mother did not know she was setting us up the same as her mother had done and generations before her had handed this dysfunctional parenting program down to each child.
This conclusion is based on a finding, published in the May/June issue of Child Development, that by age 15 these children are more likely to wake up in the morning with lower-than-normal levels of cortisol, a hormone related to stress. Normally, people have high cortisol levels in the morning that gradually decrease as the day continues. The abnormal pattern in these teens, the researcher said, could indicate higher levels of early stress.
The results come from the Study of Early Child Care and Youth Development in the United States, done with the Eunice Kennedy Shriver National Institute of Child Health and Human Development. For the study, researchers observed the lives of 1,000 children from infancy to mid-adolescence to try to determine how child care in early life affected their development later.
The abnormal cortisol pattern was found more often in the 15-year-olds who, during the first three years of life, spent more time in child-care centers and/or had mothers who were observed to be more insensitive. The findings held regardless of the quality of the child-care facility, the child’s gender or ethnicity, the family’s income level, the mother’s level of education or the sensitivity the parents exhibited to the children as teenagers. Which again brings us to the fact the children did not receive the eight qualities of unconditional love. Plus they were from a dysfunctional family background.
This means that most people need to ReParent themselves. 85% of the population is adult children. They need to return to their childhood and grow up again. It is a very simple process described in my newly released book “ReParenting Yourself” It is a very simple process to forgive your mother for not giving you unconditional love and recognition as a child and recognizing she did what she could with tools and knowledge she had under the circumstances. Two challenges have to be met. Clear your childhood issues and set some goals to accomplish so you restart your life on a new path so you can reclaim your personal power and take control of your life. “ReParenting Yourself” sets these out for you.
Using the Tool:
To start using this tool, list the things that give real meaning to what you do. Write down what attracted you to your current job or profession in the first place. List the things about it that you find fulfilling now. Include the value of the profession to humanity and what excites you about it. Think about what you want to achieve within it, and what you think is important to doing the job well. You may want to start keeping a journal of your activities.
This will give you a long list of things that are good about what you do. From this list, identify the five things that give the greatest meaning to your work. These should be the things about the job that most inspire you. Write these down in order with the most important item at the top of the list. This list shows you the things that you should protect as much as you can.
Next, write down the things that frustrate you most about your work. This may involve things like inadequacy of resource, lack of recognition, or bureaucracy. As well as this, list the factors that are causing you difficulty and which are likely to cause stress in the future.
Now work through the list of things that give you meaning item-by-item. For each item, look at the list of frustrations. Where these threaten the things that are most important to you, note these down: These are particular pressure points that you need to monitor.
Think these through carefully, and plan in advance how you will handle build-ups of stress in these areas. Our article on avoiding burnout can help you to do this.
You are most vulnerable to burnout when the stresses you experience impact negatively on the things that you find most fulfilling in your job and your life experience. Not only do you experience the unpleasantness of stress, you lose the job satisfaction and activities in your life that counter-balances this. You may find yourself pulling back and not communicating with people around you. You may not be speeding fulfilling time with you family and friends.
This simple tool helps you to identify the things that give meaning to the work you do. It then helps you to understand where the stresses that you experience undermine these. These are often the stresses that are most likely to cause you burnout. As well as this, by understanding what gives meaning to your work and your life, you know how to steer the development of your career and your life to give yourself the greatest satisfaction in your life.
We offer a home study course to help people get their life back on track and begin on the path to recovery so you can recover your lost self. Growing up again is a process to recognize the eight qualities of love we did not receive from our mother as a child so you can reclaim your personal power and take control of your mind.
Dr. Martin has been helping people restage their life and reclaim their personal power for thirty years; You can take control of your mind and begin a new life with peace, happiness, harmony and joy knowing what unconditional love is so you can create functional relationships with your family and friends. He developed the StressBlocker fourteen years ago as bridge to help people make the transition in overcoming stress, lack of energy, depression and many other situations where we feel down. It is a small electromagnetic tool your carry with you. You do not have to set it up or interact with it. Simply by having it next to your body it does its work. You can learn more about the StressBlocker at StressBlocker.org